Ice
by hootingice
Summary: Harry recieves for his birthday a frozen Voldemort bobble head and has to fight it
1. Melting

Finally I got down to writing my fic, so here is:

**Ice**

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros own Harry Potter. All I own is the ice.

**Chapter One: Melting**

It was a hot summer day and by hot I mean very warm. By very warm I mean that the only way not to melt was to put owl feathers down your back. Mr. Harry Potter was sitting on top of the Dursley's car, tied down for safety.

"I don't want to go to Paris!" Harry screamed, feeling around his blindfolded eyes.

"If we do not go to Paris, we will melt in the heat," UV replied. By that he meant that he couldn't afford to by Dudley a super expensive gift this year. What he said was true also.

'Magic is always good to attempt.' Harry thought. Then he remembered the horrifying truth: he left his wand in the cupboard!

-------------------------------32 Hours Later---------------------------------------

His parents always told Harry to never lose trust in your friends. Too bad Harry was too little at that time.

"Now you don't leave the hotel, boy! " AP warned him. If Dudley wanted to go to Disneyland, he got it.

"Book! Book! Book!!!" Harry heard a familiar call. Hedwig, Harry's own back-pecker was stumbling by the window with a small package.

'From Fred & George' the label read.


	2. Kedavra

**Chapter Two: Kedavra**

Harry opened his present still wondering what was inside. Whatever that was it seemed as cold as _ice_. It was almost covered with water by the time Harry was finished.

"Kedavra!" the little present shouted while Harry was taking it out. Harry jumped back in a jolt. He was just about ready to shout Experiliamus when he realized it wasn't real.

Harry woke up in a cold sweat. He checked his cold hands just to make sure it wasn't real. It was. Voldemort kept babbling something while Mr. Potter grabbed hold of Fred & George's letter.

The letter mentioned something about their new prototype, and how it was covered in _ice_ for erm… safety reasons. It was actually a Voldemort bobble-head incased inside a block of _ice_. He was not yet trained to say "Avada" but they were working on it.

"Why don't they make it useful and make it say 'Let's defeat me' or at least 'Let's kill Harry'?" Harry thought. He may have sometimes needed it to show muggles what he was trying to escape from.

Without saying a word Harry grabbed the figure, and skipped merrily to the Eiffel Tower.

Note: Since I am coming home late tomorrow there will be no new chapter until Christmas


	3. Battle at the Tower

**Chapter Three: Battle at the Tower**

What Harry forgot was the bold print on the side "Never let it melt." If he did he wouldn't have gone to the tower. At all. (Or would he have? The world may never know! Muhahahaha!)(Sorry, I get a little carried away sometimes.) As soon as he got to the tower the figure melted.

"Book! I am your owl!" the alarm rang attached to the figure's back. Mr. Potter was hopelessly trying to take it off. But it was too late. Voldemort Figurine learned a new word. It started growing.

"Potter you die!" Grandpa Voldy screamey screechied.

"Why can't you call me Harry like everyone else for once!" Three bells rang. It was time for insults.

Voldemort decided to start: "Ice-melter!"

"Kedavra-sayer!"

"Staying-aliver!"

"Snake-lover!"

And on and on this continued my friends. Wouldn't this be a great place to end the story? If I ended it now I would have skipped all the good stuff.

Now it was a contest to who can get the last word. Fortunately (or unfortunately to some people) it was Harry. For Voldemort's last insult was:

"Avada Kedavra!" Harry fell dead to his feet.

Wouldn't this be a great time to end the story either? But according to people who read the story, Harry should not be killed until the next chapter

Harry rose up to his feet.

"And Harry and Voldemort are the winners of our grand prize trip to Egypt!" the announcer boomed.

Voldemort and Harry just sighed.


	4. Pharaoh with a Cigarette

**Chapter Four: Pharaoh with a Cigarette**

The ride to Egypt was long and boring. Boring. Boring. Very boring. More boring than sand could ever be. (Or could it be boring? The world may never know! Muhahahaha!) Voldemort never even killed Harry. Which is actually weird.

When the plane landed, Voldemort tried to kill Harry. When that didn't work Voldy went to try to figure out the problem. It turned out the problem was himself.

Harry tried to cover with the most deadly monster known to wizards- the Kamysh mouse. On its little head was a little hat saying in little letters the little word "Expelliarmus."

"Darn it! Da-da-da-darn it!" Grandpa V started to sing.

"Pharaophy!" the tiny mouse tinily screamed out of his tiny lungs. Voldemort turned a pharaoh with a price tag on him saying "Book of the Dead! Only $15601501786510!"

"Whoa dude, that was like totally weird" confused Voldemort screamy screechied. "Anyone got a cigarette?"

"Oh yeah, sure, right here," Misterry Potterry came to the rescue. Voldemort suddenly looked pleased. He looked up. He seemed to have found a less-than-big Avada Kedavra Kamysh mousy.

"Go boom!" he screamed as the very unbig mousy cracked an egg on Harry's head. Harry fell dead to his feet, this time forever.

Voldemort looked up in a victorious manner, and started smoking.

Note to readers: This is **not** the end of the story; the last chapter will be coming out shortly, and will say the aftermath.


	5. Let's Book!

**Chapter Five: Let's Book!**

As soon as his victory was claimed Mr. V stood up. Every type of common legal-tender coin rained down on him for a whopping $10 in winnings.

Hedwig crashed down at him for a whopping 1 owl. She saw Harry's body and yarped a pellet on him, just to make sure he was dead. Voldemort took out one of his special papers (the one with little dark marks on them)(weird) and began to write:

"_Dear headmaster and greatest enemy Albus,_

_I'm just writing to say that although the new boy-who-no-longer-lives has been born, this battle is not over! I would although like to enroll in your school to go after my next four targets- Fred and George Weasley for trapping me in ice, Ms. Minerva McGonagall for being able to transform into a cat, and Mr. Rubeus Hagrid, just because I don't like him. Remember- I am always looking for a fight so if you're bored feel free to drop a line (not on my head!). Also remember that we will meet again, so don't think you're gonna be safe just if you're teaching me._

_Your soon-to-be student,_

_Voldemort R. Slytherin_"

Voldemort passed the sheet to Hedwig, who then called to her friends "Let's book!" And they took of on a magical adventure singing, "Book, book- the boy is dead!"

Hated the story? Then let me cheer you up with another disclaimer: Constance Ice owns the old Egyptian guy with tobacco.


End file.
